If it feels too hard to do, it just means that the first step isn’t small enough.
Recently, we were talking with the parents of a high school graduate planning to attend college cross-country in a big city. A gnawing concern: will this young woman be able to stay within her monthly budget given her new independence and all the temptations to spend?
Wanting to keep the focus on small steps, we suggested that they ask their daughter: “What do you need to build a budget?” The answer is likely to be “I don’t know,” and that is OK because a conversation is now possible.
More importantly, asking that question does three valuable things at the same time:
(1) it hands control of a money issue to the young person;
(2) it indicates you have confidence in the young person to figure out a solution; and
(3) it includes you, the parent, as a potential helper in problem solving.
Imagine if you as a parent had instead said: “We realize living in a totally new, large city can be overwhelming, so we have put a limit on your credit card each month. You can spend more, but you’ll have to let us know why.” Or if you said nothing, all the while preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.
Those last two approaches could give an impression you probably would not want: show that you are worried about a money issue that you do not have confidence in your child to solve. Or by saying nothing, imply that you as parent think budgeting is not important or that budgeting is something beyond your child’s interest or abilities, when the exact opposite might be true.
Your Big Picture
So how do you break down the daunting task of talking to teens and young adults about money issues into small, concrete steps? We would suggest starting with yourself and your own relationship to money.
Explore why you as parent have certain opinions about wealth, money, finances.
- What early life events, or other experiences, influenced your view of wealth? Include the things you were thinking about when you were your child’s age, and how has that shaped where you are today and the lens in which you view wealth.
- What do you wish you had learned about managing your finances/wealth at a younger age? Keep in mind your child may have more access to money and info on money management than you did at their age. It’s important to know what they’re thinking and for you to tell them about your experience. Otherwise, they will find their own answers and they might not align with yours.
- With whom do you feel most comfortable discussing issues of money and privilege and why?
- How do you want to prepare your children for their future responsibilities and opportunities regarding wealth?
- What are three key messages you want your children to receive from you regarding wealth?
From there, shift the focus to your kids.
Parents often assume they’ve covered financial basics by modeling good behavior and paying for education. While modeling behavior is perhaps the most important aspect, guidance through conversation is key. Your child might be navigating city life for the first time or handling their first job or career move. And they might worry that they don’t know how to budget or negotiate a salary—so ask. The key is to start small.
Lead with curiosity and support rather than instruction. Say “I’m here to help you. What do you need to get started?” It’s about creating space where both of you feel seen, supported and ready to engage.
Your children may appear independent—they might have high-paying jobs, internships, or promising academic futures. But even the most capable young adult needs a check-in: “What do you need from me right now?” Try not to make assumptions. Just because a college student can Google budgeting tips doesn’t mean they’ll find the right advice—or that it aligns with the values you want to pass on.
As you initiate these talks, be mindful of your young person’s age and abilities. For younger kids, modeling restraint and intentionality matters most. If a toddler breaks a toy and demands a replacement, that’s a teaching moment: “We don’t just buy new things every time something breaks.” With a five-year-old, you can help them save those shiny quarters instead of spending them right away.
As kids get older, however, modeling alone is not as effective. You’ll need to start asking meaningful, age-appropriate questions. The simpler, the better. Try questions like:
- Need any help budgeting? You can suggest places to look for budgeting apps, such as NerdWallet’s best budget apps or WSJ’s Buyside picks. But let them do the search and implementation. Maybe they prefer an Excel spreadsheet or even a simple notebook.
- Do you think you spend too much, too little, or just the right amount—why is that?
- What are some big expenses you have coming up? (outside of groceries, housing, transport)
- What messages about money have you picked up from our family?
Be Not Afraid
A common barrier is the fear that children will find out just how wealthy the family really is. But the truth is they already know more than you think. If you don’t guide the conversation, they’ll form their own conclusions, often from peers or the internet. By being open, you demonstrate confidence—not just in your financial standing, but in your child’s ability to handle that.
Letting kids struggle a little isn’t a sign of neglect; it’s a sign of trust and confidence. Protecting them from all failure can unintentionally send the message that you don’t believe in their ability to overcome challenges. There’s always a way to scale this support appropriately. When struggles do come up, guide them through discovery: When in the past have they felt out of control, and how did they regain a sense of agency? The same can be applied to finances.
Ask discovery-driven questions—not to diagnose problems, but to help young people uncover their own strengths and positive exceptions. If your child is pushing back or seems disengaged, reflect on what else might be going on in their world.
If they are struggling with an ongoing issue, ask them: “In the past, what has helped you feel better about that, even a little?” That can help them to think of the issue as within their control and to perhaps to build on whatever worked in the past.
As you reflect on your own parenting journey, consider these final questions:
- What’s one insight you’re taking away from this blog post (if any!)?
- What kind of support would you need to talk more openly about wealth with your children?
Remember, this is an ongoing conversation, not a single talk. Follow up. Check in. And know that we and other LNW advisors are here to help guide your family through this journey of aligning family wealth, values, and legacy.
